Кто проверит моё эссе егэ по английскому языку ?
Проверьте пожалуйста моё эссе, которое я писала на егэ. Пунктуацию, орфографию и т. д. я оставила прежними. Завтра апелляция и нужно знать, на что обратить внимание мне при оспаривании. Учительница толком ничего не объяснила. Поставили 5 из 14 баллов, по каждому критерию 1 балл. Тема такая: In any occupation discipline is more important than talent.
In the modern world some people think that congenital gift is the most significant quality for every profession. However, other believe that compliance with rules and procedures are more serious. But in my point of view it is not really true.
I personally think that every human has a talent. To begin with, it does not matter which, but each of them is really important in our life. As well, following discipline is the part of success, but not in all areas. Some people have a predilection to art. For example, many art workers, they are dependent on muse. For this reason, discipline is not important in occupation.
On the other hand, many business people are sure about their luck thanks to planning and responsibility. This kind of work has many set rules. Therefore, many successful people are really punctial.
However, I do not agree with the opposing opinion. Certainly, life is very unpredictable and hard. Thus, gliding is not the best way in every specialization. History shows many doers of art, who were a professionals in their deals. For example, Alexander Abdulov not always learnt a text of script before survey. He can put his text somewhere on the film set and periodically pry into it. Even so, he was a great actor.
In conclusion, I want to stress that talent is more foreground. Discipline can come with time. Because as a famous proverb says: “Talanted person is talanted in all”.