Помогите с английским, пожалуйста..

1. I should be very thankful to you if you helped me.
2. We should have acted differently if the situation were not so difficult.
3. He would not be ill if he didn't eat so much ice-cream.
4. What would you answer if you won the lottery?
5. You would not make so many mistakes if you worked hard.
6. You would not lose your way if you were more attentive.
7. If I were ten years older, I would learn to drive a car.
8. I would prefer going to the north if I had a chance.
9. What would you do, if you wanted to travel abroad?
10. What school would you choose to study at if you wanted to improve your English?

Шпрехен ля франсе?

1. I should be very thankful to you if you don't forget to put on a condom this time
2. We should have acted differently if we wanted to cum at the same time
3. He would not be ill if he didn't mix whiskey with extasy
4. What would you answer if I ask you to ride a wooden horse on camera?
5. You would not make so many mistakes if you wouldn't have learn intercourse from the adult movies
6. You would not lose your way if you weren't gagged and forbidden to ask strangers for help
7. If I were ten years older, I would report you for the assault for the touch like this
8. I would prefer going to the north if southern boners weren't this huge
9. What would you do, if you find me naked and tied up in the middle of the crossroad?
10. What school would you choose to study at if you were only interested in casual hookups with teachers?