Помогите пожалуйста: нужно проверить английский текст для ЕГЭ!

Dear Susan,
Thanks for your letter. It's great to hear from you!
To begin with, I'd say the Russian teenagers prefer popular professions such as a financier, a doctor, a fashion model and a manager. All of these are very interesting and well paid jobs. Moreover, some young people dream about work in other countries. These professions are popular in the whole world. I want to work as an artist. To my mind, it's a good way to improve cultural development of our society.
So, what's about your tennis tournament? How long have you been interested in this kind of sport? Have you won the last competition? How many players took part in it? Tell me please!
Well, I must finish now. My sister is calling me.
I'm looking forward to seeing you.
Best wishes,
Nastya

Делай в письме как можно больше стяжек, it's, I'm, he's и т. д.
Почему четыре, а не три вопроса?
Так-то слов нормально, 136+адрес.

Nowadays people have different points of view on the problem of social nets. Some think that it is harmful for skills of the real communication. Others claim that networks help us to relax and allow to correspond with people, which have a same interests. So, who is right in this 'battle'?
I strongly believe that virtual communication is not a good way. Firstly, we cannot see the face of a friend, his smile or his sadness. Secondly, we cannot touch our relatives through the screen of the computer. Moreover, this way of communication does not allow to hear the sounds of the dearest people's voices.
On the contrary, some people like social networks. In their opinion, it is a good way for hidding real senses from friends and relatives. Also, they can say there all that they think.
I cannot accept this point of view. I think that it is nothing better than real communication. First of all, it is not right to hide your sense from your parents and comrades. Secondly, it is important to discuss the themes, which are the most interesting for you with your friends.
To sum it up, I would like to point out that all kinds of communication are good and possible. But if you have an opportunity for real meeting, you must know that it is better than sitting in front of the computer.

Cannot — не мочь
Сan not — мочь не. Чуешь разницу?