Проверьте пожалуйста на грамотность,буду очень благодарен!

эт я придумал)))

I'd like to tell you about my winter holidays.I like THESE holidays,because they were very unusual and interesting.I went to Chelyabinsk with MY parents. In Clelyabinsk I visited THE cinema-HALL "Kinomaks".There was ON A very good video - STILYAGI. I ALSO visited AN aquapark. I visited Revolution square IN CHELYABINSK. There WERE many people THERE, WHO SKIED (WERE SKIING) DOWN from THE ice hills.This town IS very beautiful and clean, IT'S interesting and cheerful. I'LL VISIT CHELYABINSK ONCE MORE DURING MY NEXT HOLIDAYS. After Chelyabinsk I WENT to Tyumen. I visited A hot source THERE. And I ALSO was in a zoo. THESE WERE my best holidays.

stilyagi так пишется
Also i visited aquapark In Clelyabinsk AND visited Revolution square.
This town very beautiful and clean,PEOPLE here ARE interesting and cheerful
In next holidays i WILL visite Chelyabinsk once again .After Chelyabinsk i went to Tyumen.тут чтото с временами ты напутал, если ты хотел написать, что поедешь в Ч. на след. выходные, то будет так

Я бы написала так:

I'd like to tell you about my winter holidays.I like this holidays,because they were
very unusual and interesting. I went to Chelyabinsk with my parents.In Clelyabinsk I visited the cinema "Kinomaks". There was a very good film -stilagi. Also I visited an aquapark. In Clelyabinsk i visited the Revolution square.There were many people,which were skiing down the ice hills.This town is very beautiful,clean and cheerful. I'm planning to visit Chelyabinsk the next holidays too . After Chelyabinsk i went to Tyumen.There i visited a hot source and a zoo.It was my best holidays.

from town to town из города в город
может лучше чем афтер. хотя фиг знает.

I'd like to tell you about my winter holidays.I like this holidays,because they
were very unusual and interesting.I went to Chelyabinsk with my parents.In Clelyabinsk i visited cinema "Kinomaks".There was very good video-stilagi.Also i visited aquapark.In Clelyabinsk i visited Revolution square.There was many people,which rode from ice hills.This town is very beautiful and clean,here interesting and cheerful.next holidays i will once again visited Chelyabinsk .After Chelyabinsk i go to Tyumen.There i visited hot source And also I was in a zoo. It was my best holidays.

ну как-то так, не все конечно исправила, но The Chelyabinsk - это точно невозможно! в последних предложениях мне кажется нужно что-то сделать со временем