помогите перевести текст на англ. БЕЗ ПЕРЕВОДЧИКА

А по-твоему, учителю интересен чужой перевод про твой фен и тапочки, правдивая наша? Уж лучше наврать, но написать несколько простых фраз на нормальном английском языке, хотя бы и выдернутых из учебника. Никто тебе здесь нормально это переводить не будет.

I want to tell to you about the yesterday. It was not from the best. In the morning I have woken up, have looked at time and have understood that опаздала in school. I have risen, have started to gather. Doing itself a breakfast on kitchen, I have burned. Further I have gone to put on, and strangely enough have happened nothing. Doing itself a hairdress, I have again burned the hair dryer. Quitting the house in school, I have forgotten to change slippers. Being late already for the second lesson I has gone to change the shoes. Further I have gone to school. When I have sat down in a minibus I have found out that have forgotten a purse with house money, and me have landed. I have gone on foot. And естесственно опаздала on the second lesson. When I have come into school me have chided and have sent to the class teacher. Here so my bad day has begun.

а самой лень подумать?!