Переведите на английский, но только без переводчика!

Do you wanna talk and write it correct in English? So you gotta purchase exactly us! Only today you can buy us at special price! Buy us and we will facilitate your life on many years! You won't feel sorry about it 'cause we'll be very useful for you in life! Hurry up, with our help you'll be able to become popular in society!
-I need these articles!
- You've got? Have You got it?
-O, this is it?
- Yeah, This is

Do you want to speak and write in English correctly? If it`s so, we are the one you need! Only today you can buy us at a special price! Buy us and we will make your life easier for many years! You won`t regret cause we will be useful to you in your life! Come here quickly! You will be able to become very popular in the society with our help!

- I really need this articles!
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Да вы прикалываетесь что ли все? ? Купи нас ха ха, это ж бред, а все в первозданном виде переводят. Вы же не в барделе вывеску делаете, вот там бы купи нас подошло. И вообще, похоже, что этот текст уже переведён с другого языка переводчиком....

If you want to speak and write English correctly, you have to buy only US! Only today we have the best sale. В общем начинать надо как-то так, дальше не напишу, убегаю домой. Удачи!