Лингвистика

сочинение по анг. Проверьте , пожалуйста спасибо

You have just spent a weekend staying at the Lilo Hotel in Adelaide. When you get home you find that you have left a bag at the hotel.
You should write at least 150 words.

Dear sir /madam,
Let me first introduce myself. My name is Bob Allan and I was staying at your hotel since May, 15 to May, 25.If I am right I occupied room number 35 on the second floor.
I am writing to inform you about the fact of me leaving my bag accidentally during my stay in your hotel.
I remember packing three bags when I was going to leave your hotel. And I think the porter by the name of Peter will confirm this fact as he was helping me with my bags. Only when I had already reached my home I discovered that one bag was missing. At the first moment I tried to diall your number which was mentioned in the visit card of your manager but , unfortunately, there was no connection. I am kindly asking you to check at your Lost And Found office if there is my bag. It is enough a big black leather bag. There are many documents which are strictly confidential.
I will appreciate if you contact me as soon as possible and I am asking you to sent it by courier service and the check for it I will pay through my credit card.
Я внёс небольшие коррективы и убрал первое предложение. Как-то не принято представлять себя и изощряться в вычурной вежливости в письме в гостиницу. Вы - это Customer и Hotel - это Vendor. В странах первого мира (таких как Австралия) - все права на вашей стороне и это должно чувствоваться.

Dear sir or madam,
My name is Bob Allan and I was staying at your hotel from May, 15th to May, 25th this year.If I am not mistaken I occupied the room number 35 on the second floor. I am writing to inform you that I accidentally left my bag behind at your hotel during my stay. I distinctly remember packing three bags at my room when I was going to leave the hotel. And I think the porter by the name of Peter should confirm this fact as he was helping me with my bags. Only when I was already at home I discovered that one of the bags was missing. At first I tried to dial the number mentioned on your manager's business card but, unfortunately, there was no answer. Kindly check at your Lost And Found office if my bag is there. It is a big black leather bag. There are many documents inside which are strictly confidential.
I would appreciate if you contact me as soon as possible. I am asking you to send it by courier service for which I will pay with my credit card.
Nic-95Ka
Nic-95Ka
44 936
Лучший ответ
предложения
2. - you found that you have left...
5. - i had been staying(речь о том что ты в тот момент в прошлом длительное время где то пребывал)
7. i write to inform you that i had left my bag whilest i stayed in your hotel.(вроде так должно быть)
8. i remeber that i had packed 3 bags when i was going to leave your hotel.

вломы уже по предложению перводить. но суть втом что ты ведёшь повествование в прошедшем времени и о тех процессах которые тогда делал. там почти каждое предложение в past perfect\continiuos если уж на то пошло.
там всё правильно молодец