Проверьте, пожалуйста, сочинение по английскому!

... she wrote THE series of Harry Potter books.
...which are one of my favourite - это, конечно, невнятное место, лучше его опустить, чем перерабатывать. Или my favourite ones.
...but also for her ambition, diligence and for being strong in the moments when all seemED? to be lost.

During THAT time she wrote her first (world) famous book Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone.

I would also like to say a few words about her appearance. She's 49 but looks 35 (fifteen years younger).
Joanne is always well-dressed and good-looking - это немного разные качества, well-dressed приобретенное, а good-looking от природы.
She's short (не очень комплиментарно, коротышка?) slim, pale-skinned, she has straight shoulder length hair and eloquent/expressive blue eyes.
Все остальное уместно. С временами здесь мудрить не надо.
И лучше избегать лишних слов, как в случае с ее возрастом. Английский требует более компактного выражения мысли.

I would like to tell you about my favourite writer. Her name is Joanne Rowling, she was born on July 31, 1965, in Yate, England. I admire Joanne not only for her writing talent (she has written series of "Harry Potter" books, which are among my favourite), but also for her ambitiousness, diligence and for being strong at the moments when everything seems to be lost.
Before Joanne became a writer, she had worked as a secretary and as a teacher but then hard times came. She divorced her husband shortly after the birth of their daughter. She got unemployed living in a tiny flat in Edinburgh with her only child. It was then that she wrote her first world famous book "Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone".
I would also like to say a few words about what she looks like. Now when she is 49 years old she looks as if she were only 35. Joanne is always well-dressed and good-looking. She is short, slim, pale-skinned, she has straight shoulder-length hair and blue eloquent eyes.

грамотно написано) молодец)