проверьте, пожалуйста, и сколько баллов это будет Спасибо

Question

Iam learning English Can you help me, please Ученик (102) 
Открыт: 1 секунду назад, будет выставлен на голосование через 3 дня

проверьте, пожалуйста, сочинение письма и сколько баллов это будет Спасибо 
 
You have 30 minutes to do this task. 
You have received a letter from your English-speaking pen friend Martin. 
... My best friend had a birthday party last weekend. We went on a picnic. There were many guests and it was great. And when is your birthday? How do you usually celebrate it? What present would you like to get for your next birthday? 
Write him a letter and answer his 3 questions. 
 
Dear Martin, 
 
It was great to hear from you. I am sorry I haven't answered earlier but I was too busy doing school projects about peoples inhabited the Russian Federation. 
As I see from your letter you had fun at the party organized by your close friend outside in fresh air. I totally agree that it id great. 
Now I will write a little about myself . I was born on May first and the date of my birth is a favorite holiday in our family. All members of my family gather at my grandma' house. It is a big house and there is a big room built by my grandfather specially to celebrate great events in lives of our family. After all female members of our nuclear family finish their cooking we gather in a big room to have a party with our friends. 
Next birthday I would like to get an encyclopedia. 
Well, I'd better go now as I have to do my homework. By the way, when your birthay is and how are going to celebrate next time. 
I hope to see you soon. 
I am looking forward to your answer. 
Best wishes,

Витя Мантиков · Accepted Answer

Martin's part is OK. 
 
> I am sorry I haven't answered earlier (Break here, start next sentence) but I was too busy doing school projects about peoples inhabited the Russian Federation. 
Suggest "inhabiting". Not sure about "peoples", something archaic? 
 
>party organized by your close friend outside in fresh air 
Just an outdoor party. 
 
>I totally agree that it id great. 
Didn't get that, sorry. Something really good must have happened to your ID... 
 
>Now I will write a little about myself 
Suggest "I'll write a bit about myself now". 
 
>great events in lives of our family 
Just "big family events". 
 
>female members of our nuclear family finish their cooking 
"Nuclear" must be a joke? Not obvious though... Also note, that home cooking is considered being a discrimination by many western women. 
 
>By the way, when (exactly is) your birthay (Once again, break it here and put a question sign. "Birthday" is misspelled) is and how are going to celebrate next time. (Question sign!) 
 
>Best wishes, 
>I hope to see you soon. 
>I am looking forward to your answer. 
Pick one of these, drop the rest.