Помогите, пожалуйста, написать небольшой текст по английски на тему- "мой винный погреб"

I live in a two-room apartment with my parents, my sister and two dogs on the outskirts of the city in an apartment building, built back in the 60ies during the Khrushchev era. Guess what. We don't really have a wine cellar. Not that we need it. Since we rarely buy wine. We don't own any vineyards, either.
"What's the point in drinking wine?" my father says before he gulps down the vodka. Yeah, what is the point? Good wine is more expensive, than quality vodka, plus vodka never stimulates heartburn and is good for blood vessels. That's what my father says anyway. I like vodka too. It's a multi-purpose liquid, i use it on my spots a lot. So don't get me wrong - we are not a family of alcoholics or something. I forgot to tell about our dogs. When they get sick, we never call a vet, we just give them some vodka and in 24 hours they are juuust fine! So who needs a wine cellar?

это кто же такие темы для сочинения дает, интересно?

Я сейчас из такого винного погребка выполз и не в состоянии писать! Тем более по-английски! :-))))) Oll of my! My girl! ^-))))))))