Проверьте, пожалуйста, текст на английском и исправьте ошибки.

На беглый взгляд, текст переводной и отдает русским. Сплошные существительные ((( Вам не говорили, что английский глагольный язык и надо делать над собой усилие, чтобы передавать мысли компактнее и глагольными формами?
И где-то еще факультет переводят как faculty...

Dear Jury, I am Ivan Ivanov, a Bachelor student of Primary Education Department. I would like to present () the results of my research ()«The impact of child-parent relationships on the mental health of primary school children».
The study looks at the impact of child-parent relationships on the mental health of younger schoolchildren.
The paper consists of an introduction, two chapters, a conclusion, references, and an appendix.
The first chapter focuses on the theoretical analysis OF () «child-parent relationships» and «mental health of primary school children». It analyzes different (уверены, что не various или просто viewpoints?) viewpoints regarding [THE impact of child-parent relationships on primary schoochildren mental health] А может, просто problem вместо квадратных скобок. А то уже в глазах рябит.

It highlights (discusses) family education, the psychology of younger schoolchildren development, and creation of conditions for the harmonious development of the individual. Прямо советская пропаганда, 80-е годы прошлого века. Так еще пишут?

The second chapter analyzes intra-family relations (the styles of family education, child’s perception of the family situation and its/their place in the family hierarchy). Using the reasearch results/evidence, we (have) compiled a psychocorrective program «On the path to mutual understanding». Later, the second study of intrafamily relations was carried out/attempted.
Overall, when comparing the results obtained before and after targeted work in this direction(((, we must note that the control group of subjects showed an insignificant change in results(outcomes?), while the experimental group demonstrated positive tendencies, indicating improved/a growth of harmony in child-parent interaction.
To sum up, efforts to strengthen intra-family relations in the experimental group were/proved valid/tangible.
In conclusion, I would like to express hope that our findings bear important implications for psychologists and () social workers.
Thank you for your attention. I would be glad to answer your questions.

Если очень хочется использовать существительное на -tion или суровую цепочку существительных с -of-phrase, пусть дважды подумает тот, кто это писал.

В дополнение к предыдущему:
It highlights such issues as styles of family education, psychological features of the development of younger schoolchildren and creation of conditions for the harmonious development of the individual. >>
It covers such issues as styles of family education, the psychological aspect of younger schoolchildren growth and creation of conditions for the harmonious development of the physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, moral and aesthetic sides of human personality.

and its place among the family>>
если это "его (ребёнка) место, то his/her или their place in the family hierarchy

On the path to>>
On the way to

we (have) compiled a psychocorrective program «On the path to mutual understanding» ***. Later, the second study of intrafamily relations was carried out/attempted.

*** (вставить) and performed an experiment to check its efficiency

Overall, when comparing the results obtained before and after targeted work in this direction(((, we must note that the control group of subjects showed an insignificant change in results(outcomes?), while the experimental group demonstrated positive tendencies, indicating improved/a growth of harmony in child-parent interaction.

Overall, having compared the results obtained before the experiment (aimed at harmonization of family relations/improvement of mutual understanding /...) and after it, we should note that the results of the control group of subjects changed insignificantly, while....

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