Переведите, пожалуйста, на английский (литературный перевод).

М-да, потреблядство и консумерки.. .Я это и по русски- то впервые слышу. Ладно, попробуем.

When a woman looks at the man of her dreams, she should have irresistible desire to make love with him, cook for him, iron his shirts and raise kids which look like him.

When a man looks at the woman of his dreams, he should have insurmountable desire to make love to her, make money to provide for the family, cherish his wife and always be with her only.

All the rest is lies, confuckingsumerism and dark corners of the soul.

"While woman is looking at her true man, she should be eager for making love, cooking food, ironing his shirts and bringing up a children, resembled at her chosen one.
While a man is looking for his true woman, he should to be eager for making love, earning money for his familly and children support, pleasuring this only woman and just be always near his wife.
All the rest are a pack of lies, californication and just bullshit."

Как-то так. Не машинный перевод. За грамматическую правильность построения предложений и использования лексики не ручаюсь - не специалист, Но вы едва ли найдете перевод лучшего качества от незнакомых людей забесплатно.
Борщ заменил просто на еду, так как едва ли это блюдо имеет такую семантическую ценность для англоговорящего . Ну и аналога пелевинским "консумеркам души" просто не нашел.