Срочно!!!! Проверьте пожалуйста английский текст. Буду подавать апелляцию!!!

1 текст - ПИСЬМО (адрес и дату не вставляю)
Dear Susan,
Thank you for your letter It is great to hear from you!
At the beginning, Russian teenagers prefer popular professions such as finansist, doctor, fashion model and manager. All of these are very interesting and well-paid jobs. Moreover, some young people dream about work in the other countries. These professions are popular in the whole world. I want to work as an artist. To my mind, it is a good way to improve cultural development of our society.
So, what is about tennis tournament? How long are you interested in this kind of sport? Did you win this competition? How many players did take part in it? Tell me please!
Well, I must finish now. My sister is calling me.
I am looking forward to seeing you.
Best wishes,
Nastya.

2 текст - ЭССЕ
Nowadays people have different points of view on the problem of social nets. Some think that it is harmful for skills of the real communication. Others claim that networks help us to relax and allow to correspond with people, which have a same interests. So, who is right in this 'battle'?

I strongly believe that virtual communication is not a good way. Firstly, we can not see face of friend, his smile or his sadness. Secondly, we can not touch our relatives through the screen of the computer. Moreover, this way of communication does not allow to hear the sounds of the dearest people's voices.

In the contrary, some people like social networks. On their opinion, it is a good way for the hidding real senses from friends and relatives. Also, they can say there all that they think.

I can not accept with this point of view. I think that it is nothing better than real communication. First of all, it is not right to hide your sense from parents and comrades. Secondly, it is important to discuss themes, which are the most interesting for you with your friends.

To sum it up, I would like to point out that all kinds of communication are good and possible. But if you have an opportunity for real meeting, you must know that it is better than sitting near the computer.

НАСКОЛЬКО СИЛЬНА АРГУМЕНТАЦИЯ? ПРАВИЛЬНО ЛИ ПРОСТАВЛЕНЫ ЗАПЯТЫЕ? КАКИЕ ГРАММАТИЧЕСКИЕ И ОРФОГРАФИЧЕСКИЕ ОШИБКИ? У МЕНЯ ЗА ЭТИ ДВА ТЕКСТА 9 БАЛЛОВ ИЗ 20. ВСЁ ДЕЙСТВИТЕЛЬНО НАСТОЛЬКО ПЛОХО?