Проверьте письмо на английском

"I have made my payment." - Совершенно.

"I send" - нужно несовершенный вид (past imperfect, past preterite is ok too)

"I sent you a copy of the bank transfer"

or

"I have sent you a copy of the of the bank transfer"

"made" не нужно, sounds bad. Уже знают.

"Have" - в Англии "bank" часто множественное но в США всегда единственное и менше акцента.

Предлог с глаголом "inform" обычно "of."

"Has the bank informed you of receipt."

It's more conventional in бизнес to say "notified" and avoid the nominative when possible with people. I would say something like:

"I have made my payment. A copy of the bank transfer is attached. Have you been notified of receipt by the bank?"

if regular mail, say

"a copy of the bank transfer is enclosed."

Your original script would still work.

I have made my payment.
I am sending you a copy of the bank transfer, please see it attached. Has the bank informed you about the receiption of money on your account?

Малограмотно, но поймут.

Я оплатил счет.
Я посылаю Вам копию сделанного банковского перевода, это приложено. Банк сообщил Вам о денежной квитанции на Вашем счете?

Согласна с Сергей Петров: если только подправить please see the attached file. ..RECEPTION ...

ну здесь блаблабла