кто знает английские анекдоты?

London, Traffalgar Square, pigeons are everywhere.
A fine-looking old woman is scattering millet...
A young man, sitting on the bench, has been bored with the pigeons and shouting "Fuсk оff!" he tries to flush the birds from the place.
The fine-looking old woman:
- Yоung mаn, dо nоt usе suсh wоrds! Just sау "shоо, birds, shоо! " - аnd thеу will fuсk оff...

Somewhere in a chat.
- HI EVERYBODY!!!!
- try pressing the Caps Lock key....
- O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!
- fuck you....

Mike: Call me a doctor!
Jane: Why, are you very sick?
Mike: No, I just graduated from medical school!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"
"I see thousands of stars," Watson replied. "And what does that mean to you, Holmes?"
Holmes replied, "To me, it means someone has stolen our tent!"

I went out to this restaurant not long ago and met the waitress of my dreams. About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad."
She nodded, picked up the potato, and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."

Q.: What's the difference between Chinese food and Italian food?
A.: With Chinese food, an hour later you're hungry again. With Italian food, an hour later you're still eating.

Some of the most tactful people on Earth are English. One office supervisor called a secretary in to give her the bad news that she was being fired. He started the conversation with, "Miss Symthe, I really don't know how we're going to get along without you, but starting Monday, we're going to try."

A wife comes in and yells, "Honey! Pack your clothes! I just won the lottery!"
Her husband yells back, "Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" The wife replies, "I don't care! Just get the hell out!"

bash.org прототип нашего русского башорга) хотя вряд ли вам это что-то говорит)

Пиши на ящик, у меня целая коллекция американских, английских шуток и анекдотов.

Их очень много. На какую тему?

The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised."
She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."

One day Jack entered the restarurant, he always ate in and saw there a new waitress. The young lady was very beautiful and hot? but there were a lot of people and she was very busy. Hardly had the waitress come up to him when he ordered one vegetable soup. The lady wtote the order in her note-book and went to give order on the kitchen. Jack was waiting....At last the girl came up to him with a plate on a large tray and Jack saw that it was fish and potato.
-Excuse me, Jack said, I asked one vegetable soup
-Really? A thought that you asked for fish, the girl answered
-Please look in your note-book
-Oh, table number 24, one vegetable soup, excuse me, I got confused, I shall change it.
She put the note-book on the table, took her pan, crossed out vegetable soup and wrote down: fish and potato. Then she turned and quikly walked away.