Доброго всем вечера! Кто не занят и хорошо владеет английским - пожалуйста, проверьте эссе на наличие ошибок.. Спасибо

Question

At the beginning of the new millennium people have A tendency to effort drawing public attention to (the problem of) ecology because they FEEL how THE ENVIRONMENT has changed. (people - это кто? Может, лучше безлично или в пассиве - attention to environment problems, there' a growing interest in/to env. problems)
People are concerned with today's life and (the) lives of their descendants in future (descendants как-то не очень смотрится по отношению у будущему, они еще не descended. Future generations?)
If at the beginning of the new millennium some huge problems “declared themselves”, what will happen then?
The most urgent problems ARE first OF ALL connected with (the) pollution and THE greenhouse effect. Sometimes I am SHOCKED by people negligence. I'm talking about wildfires, which aren`t always associated with/due to the influence of the sun.
The cause of the fire can be thrown in the wrong place a cigarette end(?). Anyway, as for smoking, it's not just fires, but also air pollution (не требует абстрактное сущ-ое артикля) .
Industrial activities can also be attributed to air pollution (наоборот air pollution can be attributed...).
The greenhouse effect is a process by which thermal radiation from THE planetary surface is absorbed by atmospheric greenhouse gases and is re-radiated in all direction.
Perhaps, time will soon come when humanity WILL NOT BE ABLE to continue because of growing temperature. But nowadays glaciers melt from the heat, and this can lead to flooding.
Since the Industrial Revolution that started more than 200 years ago the need for energy has steadily increased. Nowadays people are very much concerned about the energy (sources of energy? where energy comes from? environmental issues of energy consumption?)
It seems lake now energy is necessary as oxygen(??).
In Kyrgyzstan climate is changing… We have never felt so cold IN winter and very hot IN summer (THERE HAVE NEVER BEEN ...). The same occurs in other countries. These changes ARE for the worse, I think. I think the humanity will never (be able to) solve the problems that PRESENT THEMSELVES now, because it needs the force of the whole(all of the) 7 billion of us! But I'm afraid it will not... It is difficult to give up THE amenities GIVEN TO us BY the industrial revolution. Therefore, it doubtful that this problem will be solved in the near future.

Ошибок много, артикли, нестыковки времен, путаете Active and Passive.
Над связностью текста надо еще поработать.

Kuzj · Accepted Answer

But nowadays glaciers are melt from the heat - порядок слов. 
 
It seems lake now energy is necessary as oxygen. - при чем тут озеро? 
It seems that energy is now as necessary as oxygen. 
 
These changes are to the worse, I think. 
 
... it needs the efforts of all 7 billion.. 
 
But I'm afraid it will not... -грамматически неполная фраза 
 
It is difficult to give up amenities that the industrial revolution had provided.

Коля · Answer

At the beginning of the new millennium people have A tendency to effort drawing public attention to (the problem of) ecology because they FEEL how THE ENVIRONMENT has changed. (people - это кто? Может, лучше безлично или в пассиве - attention to environment problems, there' a growing interest in/to env. problems) 
People are concerned with today's life and (the) lives of their descendants in future (descendants как-то не очень смотрится по отношению у будущему, они еще не descended. Future generations?) 
If at the beginning of the new millennium some huge problems “declared themselves”, what will happen then? 
The most urgent problems ARE first OF ALL connected with (the) pollution and THE greenhouse effect. Sometimes I am SHOCKED by people negligence. I'm talking about wildfires, which aren`t always associated with/due to the influence of the sun. 
The cause of the fire can be thrown in the wrong place a cigarette end(?). Anyway, as for smoking, it's not just fires, but also air pollution (не требует абстрактное сущ-ое артикля) . 
Industrial activities can also be attributed to air pollution (наоборот air pollution can be attributed...). 
The greenhouse effect is a process by which thermal radiation from THE planetary surface is absorbed by atmospheric greenhouse gases and is re-radiated in all direction. 
Perhaps, time will soon come when humanity WILL NOT BE ABLE to continue because of growing temperature. But nowadays glaciers melt from the heat, and this can lead to flooding. 
Since the Industrial Revolution that started more than 200 years ago the need for energy has steadily increased. Nowadays people are very much concerned about the energy (sources of energy? where energy comes from? environmental issues of energy consumption?) 
 It seems lake now energy is necessary as oxygen(??). 
In Kyrgyzstan climate is changing… We have never felt so cold IN winter and very hot IN summer (THERE HAVE NEVER BEEN ...). The same occurs in other countries. These changes ARE for the worse, I think. I think the humanity will never (be able to) solve the problems that PRESENT THEMSELVES now, because it needs the force of the whole(all of the) 7 billion of us! But I'm afraid it will not... It is difficult to give up THE amenities GIVEN TO us BY the industrial revolution. Therefore, it doubtful that this problem will be solved in the near future. 
 
Ошибок много, артикли, нестыковки времен, путаете Active and Passive. 
Над связностью текста надо еще поработать.

Дмитрий · Answer

At the beginning of the new millennium people have tendency to focus public attention to the problem of ecology because they feel how our ecology has changed. People are concerned about today's life and the lives of their descendants in the future. If at the beginning of the new millennium some huge problems “declared themselves”, what will happen then? The most urgent problems, at first, are connected with the pollution of our planet and with the Greenhouse effect. Sometimes I am affected by people's negligence. I'm talking about wildfires, which aren`t always associated with a large influence of the sun. The cause of the fire can be a thrown in the wrong place cigarette. Anyway, as for smoking - it's not just fires, but also an air pollution. Industrial activities also attribute to the air pollution. The greenhouse effect is a process by which the thermal radiation from a planetary surface is absorbed by atmospheric greenhouse gases, and is re-radiated in all direction. Perhaps, very soon humanity will not be able to continue to exist because of too high temperature. But nowadays the glaciers are melting, and this can lead to the flooding. Since the Industrial Revolution, which started more than 200 years ago, the need for energy has steadily increased. Nowadays people are very much concerned about the energy. It seems that energy is necessary as oxygen. In Kyrgyzstan climate is changing… We have never had so cold winters and very hot summers before. The same situation occurs in other countries. These changes for worse, I think. I think the humanity will never solve the problems that appear to us now. Because it needs the force of the whole 7 billion of us! 
 It is difficult to give up amenities that were given to us by the industrial revolution. Therefore, this problem will not be solved. At least in the near future