Лингвистика

Правильный ли перевод с русского на английский? Какие ошибки?

Куст сирени (1 фрагмент)

Николай Евграфович Алмазов, не снимая пальто, прошел в свой кабинет. Жена, увидев его мрачное лицо, поняла, что произошло что-то ужасное. Она молча пошла вслед за мужем, чтобы поговорить с ним наедине.

Алмазов, небогатый молодой офицер, слушал лекции в Академии генерального штаба и сейчас только вернулся оттуда. Ему удалось выдержать все экзамены, кроме последнего. Это было ужасно! Только Алмазов и его жена знали, как трудно ему было поступить в Академию. Алмазов проваливался на вступительных экзаменах два раза. Если бы не жена, он давно бы отказался от мысли попытаться в третий раз, но Вера всегда подбадривала его и никогда не отказывалась ему помочь. В прошлом году ему удалось, наконец, поступить в Академию, а сейчас...

Несколько минут Алмазов молча сидел на диване, уставившись на собственную тень. Вера заговорила первой.

- Коля, как твоя работа? Неудачно?

- Ну, да, неудача. И все из-за пятна.

A Lilac Bush

Nikolay Evgraphovich Almazov went into his study without taking his coat off. When his wife saw his gloomy face, she realized that something terrible had happened surely. Without saying a word, she followed her husband to talk to him in private.

Almazov, a young officer of modest means, attended lectures at the General Staff Academy and came back from there just a couple of minutes ago. He had managed to take all the examinations except the latest one. It was terrible! Only
Almazov and his wife knew that it had been so difficult for him to enter the Academy. Almazov had failed the entrance examinations twice. He would have given up the idea of making the third attempt long ago but for his wife: Vera had ever cheered him up and never refused to help him. Last year he had succeeded in joining the Academy at last, and on that joyless day...

Staring at his own shadow, Almazov was sitting on the sofa silently for a few minutes. Vera started a conversation herself.

- How`re you getting on with your work? Not too well?

- You`re right as ever. A failure! And everything`s because of a spot.

P. S.
Перевод не дословный, а литературный.
Nikolay Evgraphovich Almazov went (straight)into his study without taking his coat off. When his wife saw his gloomy face, she realized that something terrible MUST HAVE HAPPENED (had happened surely). Without saying a word, she followed her husband (in) to talk to him in private.

Almazov, a young officer of modest means, WHO attended lectures at the General Staff Academy came home/returned (from there) just a couple of minutes BEFORE. He had managed to PASS all the examinations except the LAST one. It was terrible/a disaster! Only Almazov and his wife knew HOW DIFFICULT IT WAS FOR HIM to enter the Academy. Almazov had failed the entrance examinations twice. He would have given up the idea of making the third attempt long ago but for his wife: Vera always cheered him up and never refused to help him. Last year he succeeded in joining the Academy at last, and on that joyless day/now...

Almazov SAT silently on the sofa for a few minutes, staring at his own shadow. Vera started a conversation herself/ventured first.

- How`re you getting on with your work? Not too well?

- You`re right as ever/always. A failure! And everything`s because of THE spot.

В тексте, где часть повествования относится к давно прошедшему (Past Perfect), не обязательно все глагольные формы выдерживать в этом времени, это слишком громоздко. Достаточно задать time frame, употребив его в первый раз, а потом пользоваться Past Indefinite, особенно, если есть последовательность действий в этом прошлом.
РК
Руслана Кульмухаметова
90 633
Лучший ответ
на уровне школьного перевода пойдеть. на литературный, извините, никак не тянет. и грамматика косая, и фразы тяжеловесные, с надуманными и неуклюжими излишествами